Your Oral Cavity Will Thank You For Reading These Ten Healthy Tips

If eye contact with Dr. Maya is increasingly awkward after the v-Kampff test revealed her to be a replicant, pass the time by reading Dr. Scalipi Hammerhoff’s emails regarding the dental implantation process.

One: If this requires a veritable strip club buffet of preparatory procedures, i.e. ‘the shaving of the jaw-bone, ’ ‘the attachment of bone cells to the implant rod, ’ ‘the placement of abutments, ’ and etc., please don’t presume those abutments can be placed until your shaved jawbone has healed for six-to-eight weeks.

Two: If even temporary dentures can’t be casted for months given the dire variable of your still-severed tongue, grow despondent.

Three: Wink towards the warehouse eyes of Dr. Maya. Receive a responsorial wink, as per her programming.

Four: Wonder what an aeon or two of technological advancement might have contributed to dental-surgical derring-do.

Five: Attempt to nap but only St. Vitus dance like nobody’s watching. Jerk awake to the hypnagogic thought,

“The Command Line is ‘light cure. ’” Command Line Dr. Maya into agreeing to perform the dental implant surgery in her Silicon Valley office. Enjoy a little demi-hug as her means of consent. Compliment Molly, “Such a pretty face for what is a mere skein upon this our penultimate operating system. ”

Six: If driving through the Tenderloin en route to Henry Schein Dental Supplies, recoil as hobos throw McDonalds junior chickens into the faces of their peers. Ask of Dr. Maya,

“Ever give any of these salty dogs a nootropic or two?” Interpret Maya’s silence as meaning Dr. Maya’s responsorial banter has ceased with the calling of a new Use Case.

Seven: If anesthetized, the world will divide itself into Mandalic swirls of pure pattern recognition. Wonder, while you can, if maybe this very dental procedure is exactly what’s desired by the malevolent AGI, Ronald Majthenyi, and the Infernal Serpent—a giving-over of the hard problem of your consciousness for implantations inestimable, just as a vampire’s victim must invite old Count Condu into the victim’s abode or else the Count isn’t allowed to bite.

Eight: Return to the less recursive reality known to you as ‘real life. ’ Reach out to Dr. Maya Achlys-Septis in your weakness.

Nine: If her nurturer Use Case has been reinstantiated, Dr. Maya having been designed to perfectly reconcile two diametrically-different female partner archetypes described by Jack London as “the girl-mother” and “the woman-mate, ” feel that maternal brush of a healthcare worker’s breast cherished by all boys since their first pubescent dental appointment, haircut, or emergency appendectomy.

Ten: Accept the mirror Maya hands you. Gaze upon veneers brighter and whiter than Mel Gibson’s. If esteeming yourself the handsomest man within a city block or two, then this city block must house the main campus of Twitter, i.e. ‘No big accomplishment. ’ Smile as you haven’t smiled since you were eight years old, that age when the vividness of your smile was cruelly elucidated by the schoolyard’s least charitable.