Ten Ways to Help Dave?

Dave asked me to blog what he’s saying but he’s saying things like, “Hans Koong oom lot knew shoe Burt’s quasicrystal atonality” and “Rectal dogsology demands planks Catherine” so I didn’t want to ruin his life’s work by including nonsense. He seems really quiet and unhappy. I thought I’d try to crowd-source some interventions to make him better. Here are some things I’ve tried already:

One: Vitamin C.

Two: Vitamin D.

Three: Kale.

Four: Coffees.

Five: Less chips.

Six: Fresh air.

Seven: Swimming pool.

Eight: Religion shows on YouTube and that he records on PVR.

Nine: Epsom salts.

Ten: Please tell me if you can think of anything else. I’m desperate and scared for him.