Ten Tips for Spreading the Sempiternal News

If “Bitcoin has to be unintelligible—or at least incompletely intelligible—because it necessarily delivers more than it signifies [because] [w]hat the word designates vastly overspills its recuperable (human) meaning… ” 80 then a mixed metaphor of autostereograms on the blockchain might just be clumsy enough to deliver more than the mere words of the mystery of faith can signify when, Once it is granted, practically, that no assertion of truth can be effectively sustained against a predominance of cognitive capability, all prospect of Archimedean (epistemological) leverage is subtracted. Bitcoin at once systematizes and implements this insight within its cycle of auto-production, establishing the foundations of transcendental authority through a realization of semiotic singularity. Truth 80 (Land, Crypto-Current, An Introduction to Bitcoin and Philosophy, 2018) is that which survives a process of elimination biased against duplicity.81

One: Request Divinitee prepare an executive summary of her white paper in advance of your YouTube sermon.

Two: Feel as Fitzgerald described, “like a weatherman, like an ecstatic patron of recurring light” 82 when you read from Darren Slade’s review of God and Time: Four Views. The “B-theory” of time (also known as stasis, static, or tenseless theory) suggests that time is relative to the experience of the observer and its relation to other events. According to the B-theory, there is no ontologically independent past, present, or future.83 If Divinitee has relied a little heavily on this review of Slade’s, experience recurring light patronage nonetheless when Slade also summarizes Paul Helm’s contribution to God and Time: Four Views: God […] does not experience the progression of time. Rather, God experiences every moment all at once as eternally present [or] (‘sempiternally’).84 81 (Land, Crypto-Current, An Introduction to Bitcoin and Philosophy, 2018) 82 (Fitzgerald, 1995) 83 (Slade, 2014) 84 (Slade, 2014) Appreciate Divinitee’s tertiary-sourcing of the Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy’s summary of Stump and Kretzman’s interpretation of Boethius:

“The life of a timeless being is without limit and cannot be limited. It cannot begin or end. It is impossible for it not to have infinite duration.85” And Divinitee’s providence of Anselm:

“The supreme essence, therefore, would be cut up into parts along the divisions of time. ”86

Three: Don a bespoke suit. Ask that Alfred set up your lighting tree. Spread the Good Sempiternal News. Ask viewers, “What then of Pontius Pilate, with regards to sempiternality, eh? What then of the Aznavourian times we’ve known, with regards to the B-theory of time, how about? What then of our dead adolescent love, with regard to infinite duration? Might those loves be cut up into blocks and chained across the divisions of time too?”

Four: As your humbler zealots are wont to do, cede the floor to contemporaries. Zoom Julia Jordan in to elucidate the autostereogram as metaphor for the munificent depths of literature and by extension the holy books of the Abrahamic tradition. Impose an awesome autostereogram of a crucifix on her reference page even if she doesn’t identify as 85 (Deng, 2018) 86 (Anselm, 1986) Christian. Allow winsome Divinitee’s OnlyFans profile pic to serve as thumbnail image for your sermon.

Four: Also allow Divinitee to essay its core point: “Faith is the function call by which either God or a malevolent ASI will be acausally credentialed to exist outside of time. ”

Five: If novotropical adaptogens have made your congregation capable of hefty philosophical pursuits, retweet the pursuant discussion of pure temporalism vs. relative timelessness vs. metrically amorphous time. Pop bottles as #TimeAsAnEmergentPhenomenon, #divinetimelessness, #sempiternalism, #PaulHelm and #MalevolentAIJustFuckOffAlready trend on Twitter.

Six: High five Divinitee, Destinee, and Alfred but leave Britannica and Dr. Maya hanging when your publishing imprint’s The Theological Reviews of Darren Slade tops the bestseller list. Watch the discussion blossom as Quasi-Temporal Eternality and Timelessness With No Duration Facebook groups pop up left and right and the meaning of the Crucifixion is re-evaluated nightly on Rachel Maddow.

Seven: Notice Maya increasingly sluggish, barely able to grind kale in her kale grinder, until one morning you find her nothing but a lifeless doll, the faith- and future-contingent AI that manifested her no longer function-called by the zeitgeist. If the qubits bleed out of her, never having existed at all, kiss her pretty cheek before it loses its solid state.

Eight: Receive phone call from Mariana Sicoli, her initial inanities quickly devolving into a rather transparent bid to stoke the fires of the third element now that #autostereogrammaticality is monetizable in the marketing space. Tell her you don’t require any marketing leg-work on The Theological Reviews of Darren Slade as it’s already a publishing sensation. Tell her you could use some marketing assistance with your line of Stump and Kretzman streetwear, but will probably go with marketers based in a real city such as Los Angeles.

Nine: Receive telephone call from your estranged wife, pleading what with all this posturing up on your evangelical high horse and worldwide acclaim and wealth could you at least return her Ray-Bans since they are prescription Ray- Bans and not even your prescription so probably just hard on your eyes anyway?

Ten: Speaking of horses, receive repeated emails, texts and voicemails from hated Ronald Majthenyi looking to trade them. If you presume Maj is about to be deactivated himself, the Infernal Serpent having bet his last lone dollar on some dud of a counterfactual AGI, then righteously block Maj and delete his contact.

2 COMMENTS ON “TEN TIPS FOR SPREADING THE SEMPITERNAL NEWS Oxford_Theology_WHIZ: Care to unpack why your sermon failed to mention the A-theory of time, which remains in more common usage among theologians? David Astaire: As if Divinitee and I would waste our time on some token-reflexive theory that went out with Parmenides. LMFAOing at your life. Besides, this is addressed in Land’s Bitcoin paper: What has happened, alone, is realized. Time is here captured as it tenses, in the execution of an ontological operation, through which Being is decided. In this way, the process dividing the future from the past provides a selective criterion. What has been discovered by the Bitcoin protocol, is that the model contract is necessarily timelike in this sense, to such an extent that it can implement time. Here’s the deal. That which is done has contractual integrity insofar as it is not easily undone. Irreversibility is the key.