How Not to Trade on Bunz

Examples of offers on the Bunz trading app could be, looking to trade… “velvet painting of Robert Bresson the Jansenist predeterminist for three cans of Maximum Ice strong beer, ” “three measures of barley for a penny, ” or “a quick but satisfying rim job for a ride to the methadone clinic, eye contact prohibited. ”

One: If your intramarital allowance seldom covers even the balance insurance on the lone credit card allotted you, waste many shaky hours hunting dumpsters for returnable cans.

Two: If griping to your wife that cans are a low-yield source of income, i.e. ‘one can = 1 cent, ’ she’ll remind you that Marcel_Proust’s $1800 stroller provides 400 litres of carrying capacity, allowing you to expand your search beyond cans! An unstrung banjo will be tradable on Bunz for a $7.21 LCBO gift card, nearby enough for two Maximum Ice Strong Beers. A cadmium-intensive McDonalds promotional cup featuring the Great One, Wayne Gretzky, can be traded for an empty Cool-Whip can yielding inhalable nitrous oxide

Three: Create a comprehensive In Search OF (ISO.) Common examples include headshots of Darryl Bem, discontinued La Senza products, etc.

Four: Services can also be requested, such as the aforementioned ride to the methadone clinic. A service relevant to your more paranoid priorities might be, “Private Python tutoring sessions. Must be comfortable tutoring a baby. ”

Five: If you receive a Python-related inquiry from a man named Ronald Majthenyi, view his ISO and see he’s serendipitously in search of Maximum Ice Strong Beer. If in addition to neural networking expertise, Ronald’s LinkedIn highlights several decades as a top man at DuPont’s Teflon division. Conclude rashly that Ronald simply enjoys a strong beer tipple after a long day of programming and isn’t some stew bum.

Six: If you invite Ronald Majthenyi into your home, regret this evermore.

Seven: Find Ronald Majthenyi altogether more sinister and Mephistophelean than hoped. Realize the Max Ice ISO was an obvious rouse as Ronald clearly serves the Son of the Dawn. Relate anew to your father’s feelings of impotence upon the sad occasion of Catherine’s murder. Relate anew to his pathetic reliance on Beatitudes, particularly, “Blessed are you that weep now, for you shall laugh. ”

Eight: If Ron Majthenyi speaks to Marcel_Proust in tongues, experience mild fatherly relief when Marcel_Proust mostly just giggles at the tongues.

Nine: When your wife arrives by Fiat into the driveway, ask that Ron Majthenyi reign in the tongues and stick to incanting from Python For Dummies.

Ten: Realize from Ronald’s non-compliance and pitying visage that Marcel_Proust—a cosmic coal of decency from whom you are in the process of learning love—may continue to lodge with you, but he is property of the Infernal Serpent and Ron Majthenyi by proxy, meaning while your father and son can- and banjo-scavenges can continue as the tutoring schedule permits, Marcel_Proust is no longer your charge. He belongs to Majthenyi, who won’t teach the boy about Proust, or how to be a good man, or how to endure the world’s endless irritants, or read him The Changing Light at Sandover to ensure your baby knows that “flowers are witches. ”23 Ronald Majthenyi will only steer Marcel_Proust towards orchestrating the eye icycling and the bleed-outs of the Ebola Cheboygan Variant, all and only because you the disconsolate grief blogger were too selfish to spend eternity in The Hall of Memories. 23 (Merrill, 1982)