How to Maintain Dental Hygiene

If Dr. Maya now loves you as opportunistic individuals love anyone capable of advancing their brand, ask if fabricating dentures for your empty mouth might be prioritized on the production schedule.

One: Little head shake from Howie, i.e. ‘Not possible. ’

Two: Scrunch your brow at Howie, i.e. ‘C’mon Howard! You think gumming this papaya is an optimal dining experience?’

Three: Hear Howard explain with a straight face how the show is a journey, on which we won’t know where we’re going until we get there— and other industry bromides that no reality show producer has believed for even one minute (barring a pitch meeting perhaps, wherein the world’s Howards must call upon whatever commercialistic faith their formulaic gods demand,) and that this journey has to show you at your worst, followed by the meeting of your therapeutic goals, Dr. Maya evaluating whether you’re more of a pramiracetam or a modafinil man, etc., and only then, through the process of nootropical neurogenesis, can you win Nootropics Makeover and thereby win a happy and healthy life. Howard’s gist being that you don’t get new teeth until the penultimate episode.

Four: Rephrase your request by pounding the conference room table like every insolent and ungrateful hobo ever flicked a dime when he’d wanted foldable currency.

Five: Suggest to Maya that you can easily fake the whole journey in a few hours, i.e. ‘Viz. of popping a tianeptine tablet; viz. of glancing all forlorn towards a bottle of Bud Light Lime but then opting for a nice choline source to potentiate some Noopept instead. ’

Six: “We did shoot most of Scary Marty’s stuff in less than a day. ” – a conciliatory Dr. Maya Achlys-Septis.

Seven: Hard eye-rolling from Howard as he struggles to call in favours amongst whoever sets up massively invasive dental surgeries on short notice.

Eight: Feign all that Dr. Maya would have you feign. Feign with gusto for two cameras. Cut promo describing a lifetime of anxiety and fear, the razor tongues of devils and the razor tongues of men. Express genuine interest in the anxiolytic properties of Ashwagandha. Suggest maybe all you’d needed all this time was some Ashwagandha. If not Ashwagandha, maybe some Lion’s Mane. Say as much into one camera. Say it in a slightly higher emotional register for the other. Seize an opportunity to hug Dr. Maya. Big smile from Maya. Feel swell. Remark that if Ashwagandha is this anxiolytic you can’t wait to see what a little Rhodiola Rosea might do for a man.

Nine: Fake a group therapy session by sitting in a chair talking to Howard so the b-unit can later film the other Nootropics Makeover low-lives sitting on similar chairs in similar rooms and then edit your monologue into a coherent conversation. If similar chairs in similar rooms can’t be found, Howie will hope something can be done in post.

Ten: Film phony “We’re getting you the surgery!”sequence. Imagine the maudlin music from the “Dinky Roloff Needs a Brain Stent Again”-episode of Little People, Big World playing as Maya speaks words such as “bone grafting, ” “osseointegration, ” and “titanium 6AL-4V surface layer. ” Feel you’re in good hands, even though Dr. Achlys-Septis won’t be performing the surgery herself, despite saying words like ' osseointegration' with the confidence of a gal who could definitely osseointegrate an implant should the procedure prove vital to her primary concern i.e. ‘your wellness, ’ et extensio, ‘her brand. ’